I like this essay because it explains a lot of the strange dynamics of AA that destroy relationships, in particular the shunning dynamic which I find personally very odd and hurtful and seems to be more common, than in secular life, when religious cults like AA get involved. It is inevitable when you have a closed belief system that cannot accept the value of others, which is why you see it a lot where cults are involved: disowning, excommunication, disconnection, disfellowshipping are the kinds of words used to disrespect people who do not have the same beliefs or act the way you want, and in AA it happens all the time.
It is justified by saying that it preserves the integrity of the organization or relationship, but on closer examination it is often those cutting off that are being abusive, or being abused. Think of what it means to get 13th stepped: Once you’ve served your purpose, you can be called an alcoholic who’s putting others’ ‘sobriety in jeopardy’. That’s a really unhealthy way to end a relationship with someone they felt the need to bang. It leaves the person feeling sexually toxic, when in reality the 13th stepper is just moving on to a new victim.
It’s also a way that cult leaders and narcissists use to cut others out of the lives they wish to control. It is not uncommon for an abusive guru to tell someone to give up family and friends.
Shunning almost always comes from an attitude of superiority and a deep need for control: “If you don’t live your life the way we say, you’re dead to us”. There are healthy adult ways to communicate and have boundaries, and then there are the fearful and coercive ways of destructive cults.
I was repeatedly and more and more coercively referred to AA the more I complained about it.
In January we made an agreement that if I went to rehab, I could continue sessions with my ‘non-addictions’ therapist as long as she was in contact with the providers. I was hoping that I’d be able to show to her that rehab was all Alcoholics Anonymous indoctrination, and that the requirements would stop. AA was something I had already decided to quit after a year and a half of daily meetings, and I had already been paying the rehab referral specialist and outpatient rehab for about half a year. The bills were rolling in. It was depressing.
Imagine my surprise after six months of jumping through hoops, when I was not only not allowed to tell her what really happened in a session, but was BANNED from all communications with Samaritan Counseling!
It seems they expected me to surrender to AA if they just kept manipulating me into ‘treatment’. How infuriating is that? And what is the relationship between these state licensed social workers and the 12-step industry? Why did James Garrett say he was ‘encouraged’ that I had an attachment to my therapist, if he was going to discourage her from having a session with me unless I paid him first, indefinitely? Why did David Olsen suggest I need 6-8 months of ‘sobriety’ before I could speak to my therapist?
“Jennifer from Saint Peters Addiction Recovery Center [12-step rehab] called to say that she had had a ‘frustrating session’ with client and requested a consultation with me. I returned call and left message” – Oona Edmands, LCSW Samaritan Counseling Center of the Capital Region 2/7/14
On 2/7 I was given a Step One worksheet after asking for non 12-step alternatives at SPARC (worksheet made me list my faults and told me that “I’m strong enough to quit” was a bad thought that would lead to relapse)
A couple of weeks later I was terminated from the outpatient rehab due to “unethical costs” for the recommended groups. Most people in SPARC are on Medicaid; it cost over $265 dollars to go to a single group per week and get the required drug test. I had complained to the counselor that I was only doing this so I could get back into therapy, and the $100 drug tests were pointless.
On 2/28 I informed Oona Edmands in a phone message about frustration with addiction treatment and was ignored. Also found that none of the rehab treatment was covered by insurance.
3 /4 asked directly whether I would actually be able to get back into therapy, as it seemed impossible to get better in the 12-step trap I was referred to. Therapist said “The answer is yes.”
“Case discussion with Oona Edmands: agreed that Tom will need to have two months of sobriety and weekly sessions with me before he could see Oona Edmands.” – James Garrett 3/17/14
“Client called and left message stating that he wished I would not recommend AA (as I had in my letter) as he felt it deeply contributed to his confusion. Message was cut off after two minutes. Did not return call” – Oona Edmands, LCSW Samaritan Counseling Center of the Capital Region 3/20/14
“Tom Gleason called – ‘I was only doing this so I could get back to see Oona Edmands’” – James Garrett 3/20/14
“See me once a month for ‘trust building’ sessions and get approval to have appointment with Oona Edmands after two months” – James Garrett 3/26/14
After two more months, I got, basically, ‘you didn’t follow the recommendations‘ and all the rehab I claimed to have done was somehow ‘contradictory’, and my request to speak with her was some kind of ‘boundary issue':
“Sober. Debriefing the ‘betrayal’ from [his therapist] and his emotional response to not being able to meet with her. wrote complaint to David Olsen; has meeting on Monday with Dr. Olsen and clinical supervisor [NOTE: David Olsen did not attend]; looking at how his drinking damaged the relationship with [his therapist] and how he may never get the opportunity to resolve/bring closure to that relationship; angry that he feels like Oona Edmands is pushing ‘religion’ on him by ‘making’ [NOTE: scare quotes] him go to AA meetings instead of allowing other alternatives” – James Garrett 5/30/14
“Therapists have the right to their preferred mode of treatment” – David Olsen, Executive Director of Samaritan Counseling Center of the Capital Region, May 2014 in the phone call when I asked about how to complain.
Yeah, and in that last session with James Garrett I told him I didn’t trust any of them anymore, and he told me ‘Maybe you can trust your higher power’.
“Lastly, it has come to our attention that multiple copies of your letters were received by the center. One of which was not by the use of the US Postal Service or any other third party delivery system. It was apparent that the letter had been hand-delivered to our satellite office in Delmar, NY. As a result, this letter is also being written to inform you that under no circumstances will any further personal contact with the center, its satellites or its personnel be allowable.” – David Olsen and Jenness Clairmont
It took me a while to figure out who to complain to, but in the meantime I was so confused by being terminated and banned from any further contact for a letter I thought was very insightful and empowering for me. I was so confused by this in fact, that I checked myself into a psychiatric ward thinking I might be crazy. There, I was prescribed anti-psychotic drugs (by the doctor who told me I’m “fucked and need AA”) to ‘help me stop obsessing about it’.
I eventually found the NYS Department of Education is the licensing board. But that didn’t go so well either…I didn’t realize at the time that Jenness Clairmont is on that board.
I tried to explain to the investigator the ethics issues, and that ended with:
“Nothing you are saying now makes any sense If you have anything further to say please address to:
Office of Professional Discipline
80 Wolf Road-suite 204
Albany, New York 12205
I will not be responding to anymore of your emails.
Michael A. Kinley
I tried filing another complaint to NYS DoE and got a letter from the Director of Investigations at N.Y.S. Education Department, Donald B. Dawson, saying the case was closed.
I tried to get a second copy of my records, and David Olsen made it very difficult:
All correspondance must be by mail. I will not be responding to any further emails. – David Olsen July 2,2015
When I got my records, after consulting with a lawyer about how to make a proper request and having my mother call the office manager Debbie to figure out how I could get my damn records, I found that all my complaint letters had been removed from my records.
After many emails, I finally received a letter from David Olsen. David Olsen said I could buy my complaints (that they never even bothered to address with me) for $.75 per page and they weren’t ‘technically’ a part of my medical record. Here he says that he enclosed additional correspondence previously sent, but that only included the original letter saying I could get back into therapy if I went to 12-steps, and the termination letter referring me to 12-steps.
Then I made a Freedom of Information Law request to try to figure out how this ‘investigation’ went down in such a way that the investigator told me the exact same thing David Olsen told me in the same words (“There is nothing wrong with them using this as their preferred therapy.”)
I made a video while going over my first copy of records:
That connected me with a lot of like-minded people. One of them made an attempt to have a discussion with Samaritan Counseling about this by writing a letter including my signature, but this letter was completely ignored by Samaritan Counseling:
The Department of Health and Human Services Office for Civil Rights responded:
So, still banging my head against the wall.
We are doing these letter campaigns for people in other states too, and will continue to gather more information and pass it along to the government agencies, health workers, and licensing boards whose proper course of action would have/could have been to address the problem, while documenting and archiving all the complete non-response online so everyone can see “How it Works”.
My third attempt to complain to the NYS Office of Professions was also closed in Fall 2016, due to Oona Edmands denying everything (which of course doesn’t make any sense, considering what is written in her own signed session notes). The investigator also said that they ‘don’t look into the AA thing’.
I reported this willful negligence to the NYS Justice Center as well as the NYS Attorney General and the US Department of Health and Human Services Office for Civil Rights and am awaiting further investigation.
Why is the New York State Office of Professions not acknowledging any problem with the 12-step programs and 12-step referrals? I think not wanting to be involved with two-hatters is more than just a personal matter between therapist and client, as NYS Office of Professions Supervising Investigator Michael Kinley tried to tell me. I think it’s a big systemic problem and a lot of people are flat out lying about what they do and censoring the truth.
I should have sent these letters to the supervising investigator. I can only do so much.
I didn’t go into therapy thinking there was anything wrong with AA. I spent a full year trying to understand what was wrong with me instead. When I decided for sure that AA wasn’t for me, that’s when I really started to realize that that was not an acceptable conclusion for Samaritan Counseling. By the way, my ‘treatment’ was all voluntary, until it wasn’t. Here is a letter I wrote for a friend who has given up her nursing license because of the EAP program that repeatedly demanded 12-step participation.
So what should everyone do? According to AA, they should admit they are powerless and turn their will and their lives over to God. And according to AA, “God” can mean anything you want, but eventually you will find it means the rehab industry where you can pay $1000/day to hear that you are insane, selfish, defective, and dishonest again. And if that doesn’t help you, according to AA, you can do it again until you come to believe, or get it through your thick skull, that rehab saved your life and tell everyone else they need rehab too.
According to AA, you’re also an alcoholic if you know an alcoholic. And if you can’t convince them of that, according to the 12-step cult, you can ask them if they ever gambled too much or thought about sex a lot, or had emotional issues, or don’t earn enough, or work too much, to convince them they need some serious help.
This is the film I’ve been posting about for almost a year now available on DVD. It was Monica Richardson’s three year effort, and in that process we’ve all learned a lot about the real AA. It’s far from the ideal program the public knows. It’s more like a destructive cult business that has little or nothing to do with alcohol treatment.
After she saw people get murdered by violent people repeatedly sentenced to AA as plea deals who had learned how to speak the AA language and appear to be wise old-timers, she (a member for 35 years) tried to get AA to provide safety guidelines to its members letting them know that members do not have to ‘maintain the anonymity’ of another person if they see a problem.
This was a simple request. AA world headquarters chose to ignore it as if it was an irrational resentment that disturbed their serenity.
Actually, it’s becoming clear that they ignored that simple request because it would open a huge can of worms. Since then she’s interviewed hundreds of people who were harassed or financially scammed or abused by people or professionals in AA who had learned through AA how to ‘blame the victim’, and uncovered the fraud inherent in the 12-step rehab industry.
Now AA is getting sued, and they are getting exposed here, just like the Boy Scouts and the Catholic Church and the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The film contains some disturbing material, but it is all true, and important to watch because it is enlightening. I hope everybody buys a copy.
This is a great article because it describes how a cult in upstate New York ended up beating a kid and killing his brother over the fact that they wanted to leave the church. They were subjected to abusive ‘spiritual counseling’ because the cult in their narrow-mindedness could not comprehend why someone would want freedom from a belief system they found unsuitable. The author makes great connections between the spiritual abuse in AA and the press that AA should be getting for promoting spiritual bullying that leads to excusing abuse by its members and often causes suicide.